Mar
7
2010
Really it hasn’t.
It’s just that with all that has been going on in the last few months I have felt the need to shut off a little.
I will get back to blogging though.
I think I might even do a bit of blog renovating. Tentatively of course, as I am computer illiterate and I seem to have the uncanny ability to make plugins die.
I’m really cool like that. I’ve also been known to walk into walls on occasion.
Yep, I’m real cool.
Until next time
Nat
xx
Feb
8
2010
The saga with my parents continues. The latest development occurred over a week ago but I haven’t felt ready to write about it. To be completely honest I wasn’t sure if I was going to blog about it at all until today.
In the interest of my ‘motional well-being I am going to write it out as concisely as possible with dot points (I love dot points, they make everything look so ‘listy’). I’m sorry if it’s hard to follow, I’m finding this difficult.
Here we go;
- The Saturday before last my psychotic father dumps the family dogs in a public park;
- Dogs found by animal welfare;
- Arsehole father goes to animal welfare steals items and abuses staff about getting dogs back;
- The fucker’s arrested and sectioned;
- People begin to realise he is insane and maybe, just maybe, potentially dangerous (but it’s still all my Mums fault);
- While father dearest is sectioned we go to his house and have a looksey. I’m not going to describe it to you but it was pretty bloody scary and I have no intention of ever going into that house again;
- Mum has gotten a restraining order;
- Father will remain in hospital until ‘they’ deem him well enough to leave. I hold great fears over what will happen once he’s released but there’s not much we can do about it.
So that’s it.
I promise my next post will be about fluffy bunnies or clowns or something.
Actually, probably not clowns as they are scary and wrong but I’ll think of something nice.
xx
Jan
27
2010
The women in my family seem to have our own special way of dealing with comments that we disagree with. Whenever somebody makes a comment that ‘just ain’t right’ we seem to lose the ability of speech and instead say “Hmmm”. Quite effective really. It has gotten me out of many an awkward situation. However, there are times when I wish I could override this seemingly ingrained response.
Take this morning for example. I had just dropped CC off for his first day back at kindergarten (eek!) and was strapping Incognito back into his car seat when one of the kindi mums came up to me and started to chat. We talked for a little while and then got on to the topic of local schools. She then started to talk about a school we had considered for CC. She commented that she wouldn’t send her child there. I shook my head in agreement (thinking she was talking about the bullying I have heard goes on there) but then she scrunched up her nose and said ‘It’s very multicultural!’
My response: ”Hmmm”…. But I was thinking ‘That’s one of reasons we considered sending CC there’.
She then went on about there being a lot of (shock horror) Muslims at the school and that apparently they don’t even make a big deal of Christmas or the Easter bunny there!
My response: “Hmmm”…..But what I was thinking was “Oh my fucking God are you serious?! Who bloody cares????”
I did managed to slip in “all children should be able to celebrate their religion equally” right at the end of the conversation after she commented on liking things ‘traditional’ but I feel like I could have done better.
I seriously didn’t expect a dose of good old fashioned racism during the kindi drop off. I think maybe I am too naive. I honestly forget that otherwise perfectly normal, seemingly nice people can hold really offensive views.
It’s a bit sad really.
Jan
23
2010
Especially when I haven’t got anything much to say. However, Incognito is currently engaged in boob-fest 2010 and I have nothing else to do, so yeah. Here I am. *twiddles thumbs*
The first thing I would like to mention is that my children have been insane this week. Rather than writing about it I have decided to include the following photo to illustrate my point.
I should probably point out that I am not some kind of evil mother who waits for her child to start crying and then takes a photo. Although I think Grumpy would like it if I was. He would have loved a keepsake from the time Incognito got his head stuck in the toilet. Anyway, I promise I was already taking a photo when this happened and I took Incognito out of the highchair straight away. It’s just this photo captures what our week was like so perfectly. How could I not post it?
The next thing I though I would post is some photos of the homebirth rally that we all attended at Parliament House in Canberra last year. We were protesting against legislation which will basically make homebirth in Australia illegal. Over 2000 homebirthers, midwives and their families showed up from all over Australia to protest the changes. It was an incredible day.
The boys and I at the protests…..It was freezing!!!
Well that’s all for now. Boob-fest is over. However, to end this post I would like to mention that someone found my blog this morning by Googling ‘Poo’, actually it may have been ‘poonami’
But still
Do you think Google is trying to tell me something?
Jan
16
2010
I sit with my baby asleep in my arms.
Outside I can hear Grumpy and CC playing on the trampoline. In the distance someone is mowing their lawn and Rosella’s are singing in the Lilly Pilly tree.
The sky is a perfect clear blue and a warm summer breeze is blowing through the screen door.
Everything is tranquil.
Right now I don’t have to fear anything. I don’t have to worry about what will happen next or whether my mother will be safe; whether we’ll be safe. I can pretend like HE doesn’t exists.
I want every day to be like this. I want life to be peaceful.
I want nothing more than to watch my children grow up. I don’t want any excitement or drama. I want to experience everything ordinary. I want my biggest worry to be about my children going to kindi and school.
I don’t want him to have control in any of our lives anymore.
I want this to be over.
Jan
13
2010
Today is CC’s fourth birthday. It’s hard to believe he’s already so big!
Happy Birthday to my little cool dude.
We love you and your bum jokes so much.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Jan
7
2010
I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy in the kitchen of our home. I can’t believe a year has already passed.
Happy first birthday my baby. You are everything joyful and cute and we love you!
P.S. It would be rockin’ cool if you slept tonight. Can you do that for Mummy?
Please??
Jan
6
2010
The saga continues.
My mum called at lunch today. Apparently at 8 this morning she got a call from the police. My Father had been found in the middle of the night, naked, walking the streets of a country town. You would think that in a situation such as this the police would recognise that this is a deeply disturbed man who needs help but no, he was polite and compliant, so no hospital for him. His psychologist is equally helpful and has basically left it up to Mum to convince my Father he is unwell.
So there you have it.
We have to sit on our hands and wait for ’something’ to happen. I am terrified what that something will be.
I feel weak from it all.
Jan
5
2010
And I haven’t been willing to acknowledge it.
Much to my own detriment I guess, as I haven’t been able to sleep properly since my mums text message on Friday. However, I read my sisters blog earlier today. She talked about the happenings with our parents and it made me feel like, for my own sake, I need to acknowledge it. So here goes….
I have mentioned in a previous post that my Father is mentally ill and an alcoholic. For years we have been subjected to his abusive behaviour. I feel like in the last few years it has escalated. Mum over the last two years has left on repeated occasions, vowing not to go back, only to return to my ’repentant’ Father a week or so later. Each time I have hoped that this will be it, she will leave him for good but she always goes back.
Friday evening Mum sent me a text message. She’s left him again and insists that this time it’s for good. She said that there was nothing particularly bad that happened this time. He is however on the verge of a nervous break down. He was taken off his anti-psychotic meds (Yay for incompetent health practitioners.) and has been behaving strangely; insisting that she must leave (I’m scared to think why), staring into space mumbling, going through her belongings and smashing ceramics, including a bust that belonged to my great grandmother.
I don’t know what to think…feel. I want this to be the end but realistically she will probably go back again and I find the thought of it so painful. I feel so sad for her, I can’t imagine how hard this is.
When i spoke to her this afternoon she was doing okay, she said that she finally felt free, like a weight had been lifted, but I don’t know. You see, she also went on about how he’s not drinking and how much weight he’s lost being off the anti-psychotics.
In the end there’s truly no guessing what will happen next but I don’t know if I’m up for another round.
Jan
3
2010
I’ve been neglecting you….. But it’s been totally due to worthwhile pursuit, like playing Internet scrabble and using my cheese grater-like foot loofah thingy (which by the way is just wrong but I was compelled to buy it because it’s a cheese grater for your feet for fuck sake! I HAD to have it). However, I will make amends, because, even though I have only been blogging for a short time, you have already been a help to me. Being able to write down whatever I am feeling has been cathartic for me during one of the hardest years of my life. I think maybe I need this space. Even if no one reads it and it is a bit craptacular.
So, as someone who doesn’t do new years resolutions because I think they’re stoopid and nobody really ever keeps them anyway, so whats the point? I will make a new years resolution for 2010. *Ahem* This year I will visit you when I need to. Maybe I will offload, talk about PND or even just talk about my children’s poo but I will blog, oh yes, I will blog.
Neurotically Yours
Nat.
